When you get to college, or even some high schools, you have to take intro to psychology as one of your core classes. It is rather an interesting stuff. But the one thing that is truly useful is the Carl Jung's and Isabel Briggs Myers' personality test. It’s not really about determining if someone is a psychopath, although that’s another test. It’s more about narrowing down a person’s habits and how they relate to other people.
There are certain personality types you meet in college for the first time. It can be a challenge to try to befriend certain people or manage the courage to ask them out. Some people may seem like they are day and night, but they can share the same values if they get to know each other. Yes, you might find your life partner in college but to be real, you might just find some life long friends and some people you might want to avoid altogether.
Workaholics
INTJ stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging. The first thing you have to know about an Architect type personality is that yes, you are definitely good enough. INTJ people are natural leaders and diligent workers but are completely aloof when it comes to matters of the heart. If you are trying to make the leap from friend to boyfriend/ girlfriend, it’s not going to happen overnight.
Usually, leaders in their field are INTJ types. This can be challenging since these personality types seem to be distant from social interaction, but their depth is well worth getting to know them. If you are more outgoing, this is one instance where opposites attract. If you express an interest in meeting up for coffee, or if you take the direct approach and just ask them out right away, it will seem like a surprise to them. It’s not that they don’t like you, they are just so focused on their career or their studies that it seems like a break from their schedule.
Rollo May said it best ---
“To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before.”
INTJ individuals are very much in tune with their inner lives, they are planners who are meticulous when it comes to details. They are perfectionists, but most have a hard time letting go of what is possible and deal with what is actually real and solid.
They are still human, but it is hard for them to be in tune with the emotions of others, as well as themselves. They have high self-esteem but have difficulty with other people’s feelings. They can come off as insensitive. In a relationship, it’s best to have a counterpart who is more of a talker; someone who is willing to work through things in conversation. This really helps to clear things up and make sure you both are on the same page with your relationship.
But if things don’t work out, INTJs can just walk away from the situation without losing sleep over it. It doesn’t mean that they are insensitive, a lot of thinking goes into their actions. If they feel unloved or undervalued, they will think about the time invested in your relationship a lot. They are the types to try to save that connection. If they feel like they are doing all the work, they won’t hesitate to leave.
Don’t ask an INTJ type “Where is this relationship going?” They are really good at the present, the future is pretty abstract for them to grasp. If they love you right now, they will be extremely devoted. But INTJ types aren’t the ones who will propose or ask if you want to move in. You’ll have to gauge the state of the relationship, and be the one who does the asking.
Dreamers
INTP stands for intuitive, thinking and perceiving. INTP types are the daydreamers. They are the graphic artists, the innovative engineers and the procrastinators. They are very similar to INTJ types but with very different qualities in the mix. They thrive on the possible, often entertaining ideas within their own imagination. At times, their rich inner lives can make their social lives basically nonexistent. Some seem to have a hard time maintaining friendships and good work or study habits. They start projects and don’t finish them. INTP types have a small close knit circle of friends, but they are extremely attached to these people. They may spend months apart from their bestie, but when they meet up it’s like they just picked up where they left off.
These types are basically low maintenance. They understand that other people are just as busy as they are. They value other people’s time. INTP people aren’t the kind to pick a fight with a customer service person. They would rather make their own coffee at home just the way they like it instead of going to Starbucks every day.
These are the kind of people you might have a hard time getting to know. It might feel like a deep freeze at first, but by senior year you probably get close after endless classes and group projects together. Especially if you share the same major, those people will have all the bright ideas. It may be the team’s responsibility to implement them. They make great art directors and editors.
INTP people don’t play hard to get. They don’t play any games, as a matter of fact. They are often attracted to people who are smart. Some are just not in tune with the emotions of others, which makes them ideal for industries that are heavily critiqued. It’s not uncommon to see art students crying after a professor goes through their work and offers some objective advice, but an INTP will take that and build on it in a positive way. They are really open to criticism, and often offer other avenues to make things better or different.
INTPs are fiercely loyal and can be jealous in a relationship. They make their intentions clear and being upfront about your feelings is your best bet when dealing with INTP people in a relationship. They respond well to people who are secure in themselves, who are outspoken and driven. But if you hit one of their deal breakers, you are out. They have no problem leaving without looking back.
Basically Dumbledore
INFJ people are extremely rare. They are in the company of famous leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi. They are found in less than 1% of the population, but they have a big impact on society. Diplomatic by nature, they have natural senses pointed toward the ideal and the moral aspects of thinking. What makes the difference in them is the judging component in their thought process. INFJ types are about action, not sitting on the sidelines. They are planners who make strides to reach their goals in a way that is impactful and long lasting.
Charity work and helping other people in the every day of life is what they are all about. Taking small steps to make people feel good are a part of their lives. But they are also big picture type people. They explore issues that are complex. They work to resolve greater issues so that people have no need to be caught up in certain situations to begin with.
In their personal relationships, they connect deeply with the people they love. Be real and be honest. If you are a liar, even white lies put INFJ types off and they will avoid you entirely. Unlike the dreamers and the workaholics previously discussed, INFJs are social and easy to approach. They are very in tune with the emotions of others and they exhibit a great level of empathy. They can see past the mask others wear in public. They can read between the lines when others try to conceal their goals.
INFJ people are very happy in the company they keep. When they are in a relationship they like to create fun surprises for their partners or their friends. They love people without hesitation, and they love unconditionally. This type of personality will look beyond the physical aspect of the relationship. There is more of a mental and spiritual connection that is the main focus of their relationships. If you are flaky or self-involved, you won’t have a place in their lives.
Other Personality Types
Briggs Myers identified 16 different personality types that define different people. It isn’t set in stone, though. Some blend into gray areas where they can share qualities and basic core values but react to challenges very differently. They fall into four groups: Analysts, Sentinels, Diplomats, and Explorers. The world needs all type of people to make it turn, and everyone has both positive and negative qualities.
In the end, it’s all about being happy and surrounding yourself with people who make you better. It’s okay to ask for help. It can seem like an overwhelming time in your life, with class and work and your personal relationships. Realize that we all struggle with the same issues.
Some key ideas to keep in mind...
Don’t be so quick to judge. Situations and people may react in ways that seem uncharacteristic at the moment, but there are usually many different decisions that brought them there to that point. It is generous to give people the benefit of the doubt, but always be cautious and let people come to you when they are comfortable. Forcing a discussion can lead to a heated argument, and that kind of defeats the purpose of having such a conversation in the first place.
Everyone can respect someone who takes ownership over their mistakes. Even the best plans can go sideways. It is okay as long as you take responsibility and take steps to fix it. Your late teens and early twenties are a time when you figure out what you are made of. It’s not uncommon to trip yourself up by taking on too many projects or commitments. You will learn who is real and who will fall away as the years and the distance separate you.
Be the kind of person you would respect and be proud of. It is hard to keep this in mind when things don’t go your way. In the larger scope of things, life is long and you don’t want to have too many moments where you look back and become embarrassed or ashamed of your behavior. Befriend the new kid, talk to your neighbors, the worst that can happen is that they don’t respond in a positive way. It’s okay to fail, just try in the first place.
