42 Things I Learned in 42 Years

Birthdays have a way of making you pause and reflect. As I celebrate 42 trips around the sun, I realize the best gifts I have ever received are not things at all. They are the lessons, the stumbles, the quiet wins, and the wisdom picked up along the way. Some were learned the hard way, others came as gentle reminders, but all of them shaped who I am today.

Here are 42 things I have learned in 42 years. Maybe they will resonate with you too.

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Life and Personal Growth

1. Happiness is not a destination. It is built in daily moments.

2. Rest is not laziness. It is fuel.

3. Boundaries protect your peace.

4. Not everyone deserves access to your energy.

5. Failure teaches more than success.

6. Saying “no” is a full sentence.

7. Your twenties are for experimenting, your thirties for building, your forties for refining.

8. Gratitude shifts everything.

9. You never outgrow play. You only forget it.

10. Time is your most valuable currency.

Relationships and People

11. Listen twice as much as you speak.

12. Chosen family can matter more than blood family.

13. Kindness is never wasted.

14. Not everyone is meant to stay forever, and that is okay.

15. Protecting your inner child makes you a better adult. Feed that inner child with care and attention. You would never starve a child in your care, so do not starve the child within you either. Make sure your inner child gets three meals a day in the form of play, rest, and joy.

16. Real friends clap even when they are not on stage.

17. Love is shown more in actions than in words.

18. Sometimes forgiveness is for you, not them.

19. People reveal themselves over time. Believe them the first time.

20. Being vulnerable is a superpower, not a weakness.

Work, Money and Creativity

21. Skills compound like interest.

22. Money is a tool, not a measure of worth.

23. Burnout is not a badge of honor.

24. Creativity thrives on curiosity, not perfection.

25. Work does not define who you are. It is only part of your story.

26. Networking is simply building genuine relationships.

27. Invest in learning. No one can take knowledge away.

28. Side hustles can teach you more than jobs.

29. Always read the contract twice.

30. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Prioritize yourself.

Wellness and Self Care

31. Your body keeps score. Listen to it.

32. Healing is not linear.

33. Movement is medicine.

34. Therapy is strength training for the soul.

35. Sleep solves more problems than caffeine.

36. You do not have to earn rest or joy.

37. Self care is often the boring stuff. Hydration, boundaries, saying no.

38. Think of your stress like a bucket. If you keep pouring more in without finding ways to release it, the bucket will overflow. Emptying the bucket regularly with rest, movement, and reflection is essential.

39. Food is fuel and joy. Balance matters.

Big Picture Wisdom

40. Seasons of life come and go. Do not cling too tightly.

41. Change is uncomfortable but necessary.

42. You will never regret choosing courage over comfort. Remember the Golden Buddha story told by Tara Brach. A beautiful golden statue was once covered in clay to protect it during wartime, and over time people forgot what was underneath. Years later the clay cracked, revealing the shining gold within. We all carry that hidden gold. Beneath the protective layers we build to survive, our true nature is already whole and radiant.

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Closing Thoughts

At 42, I know I do not have everything figured out, and that is actually a relief. Life is less about having all the answers and more about staying open to learning, unlearning, and beginning again. If the past four decades have taught me anything, it is that wisdom does not arrive all at once. It sneaks in through trial and error, through heartbreak and joy, through the ordinary and the extraordinary.

Here is to carrying these lessons forward, and to the next set of things I will learn in the years ahead.